Watching the cursor blink at me on a blank screen is daunting. It’s torturous to construct the first sentence. It’s like starting to workout. You know, that moment right after you lace up your tennis shoes and seconds before you start moving…. that blank second in time where your brain and your body fight over what you are about to do. Writing is like that for me. I know I need to. The ache is bruising my soul, it squeezes me so tightly. But as I stare at the blank white screen determined to just begin, my mind drifts away.
One of my favorite song lyrics ever is a 90s crap song called Just Breathe by Anna Nalick. The verse says something about, “It’s 2 am and I’m still awake writing this song just to get it all down on paper so it’s no longer inside of my threatening the life it belongs to, And I feel like I’m naked in front of a crowd and these words are my diary screaming out loud, and I know that you’ll use them, however you want to.” I don’t think there’s ever been a lyric that’s hit me like that one does.
So I stare back at the cursor on the blank page. I think over all of the good things that are in my life now. The struggle the last year has been, but the amazing things that have happened over the course of it as well. I want to write about it. But I want to bury it all too. I squirm in my chair. I’m not ready to write about it. I refocus.
I see the sunlight pour through his honey colored hair and spill into his storm blue eyes, and I can’t help but smile. His sweet face brings me back to the light. Our journey has been a long one, yet it’s just beginning. It’s a happy story.
I stare out of my office windows across a Navy base that’s been quiet and deactivated for almost as long as I’ve been alive. The door is open and the last of the cool night air is already burning off as the Florida sunbeams pour across the floor. It’s going to be hot today. My insides burst with the thrill of Florida warmth.
I can hear the echo of the service men and women that have walked these sidewalks. There’s definitely a story there. The National Anthem is streaming through the airways now over the base loudspeaker, to no one in particular. It’s going to be a gorgeous day. And I’m ready.