Every morning I stood in front of the mirror, brushing my teeth. Scrubbing away the night. Focusing on what was in store for that day. Looking at myself. Not recognizing the person looking back at me. Daydreaming through myself, blank eyes that seem to lock away someone I used to know. I don’t have time to figure out this level of crazy. I close the toothpaste. Glance at me again. I did this routine a thousand times plus.
Putting little kids in a SUV, pulling them out again. Sitting in a cubicle, struggling to stay put until 4. Leaving at 3:30, because I am a fucking rebel. Little things. You have to have your small victories somewhere or you’ll go mad. Clipping coupons. Spending $300 bucks at Costco. Hating the person I was while walking through Costco. It made my soul bleed into my shoes as each step dug me into the concrete of the floors and buried me under the foundation of a building no one would ever fucking remember.
Here I was. Just a girl, that used to dream in color, buried under a Costco. How did this happen? Then before I knew it, I was brushing my teeth again, to do the same thing the very next day. What day was it? They were lost in translation. The only thing that made one day different from the next was whether or not I needed a coat.
Screaming. I hear screaming. Someone’s hurt. Lord, it’s me. I’m screaming.
I was screaming.
I can’t. I won’t. Be buried under Costco. What on earth could I possibly need 500 poptarts for? Why do I need new furniture every 3 years. New paint in my bedroom because the old color isn’t IN this fall. Does my iphone really need upgraded? Is Starbucks on my way to work every single day really the place I want to invest $150 bucks a month? Or $25 for OnStar, and 40 for SIRIUS radio? Over $200 a month just to get me to a job I don’t want to be at? Not to even remotely get started on the car payment itself and the insurance! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Slaves to ourselves.
No. Nope. Ha. No.
Roll those windows down baby.
Yes, I know it’s raining. The sting on my skin reminds me I’m alive.
Dance with me. Right here, in the middle of the street.
I love this song. I love you.
I love breathing in the fresh air, deep into my lungs.
Scoop up those kiddos and put their bare feet in the sand. Teach them to see in color. Run and skip. Sleep on a blanket underneath the stars. Read an extra story.
When I brushed my teeth this morning, I looked up, into a reflection I remembered.